


i won't rot (i won't be forgot)

by crickets



Category: Lost
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-31
Updated: 2010-01-31
Packaged: 2017-10-20 04:02:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/208536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crickets/pseuds/crickets





	i won't rot (i won't be forgot)

This is before the man she calls her father locks up the only person she's ever kissed -- this is before Ben has a reason to, before Karl puts his hands on her in a way that he's been instructed not to. Alex collects stones by the stream not far from the compound, Richard kneeling by the water to fill his canteen.

"You're seeing Karl tonight?"

She looks up, shoves the stones into the pouch slung around her shoulder and hung at her side -- ammo for the slingshot that Richard helped her build, taught her to use.

"What's it to you?"

Things between them have been this way for a while, ever since he started telling her things she never wanted to know. It hadn't been long until Alex started to blame Richard himself for these truths, until she could barely stand the sight of him.

"You know that it's never going to work out," he tells her, and it won't be the last time he does. Richard comes to stand next to her. "Don't you?" His tone is not protective, isn't parenting. It only rings of truth as it has many times before and that fact stings Alex, as it always does.

"What do you know?" she asks, stubbornly, rhetorically. Her aim is to hurt, but this is Richard, of course. And Richard is different than most people.

"Young love, " he says, shrugs, steps across the narrowest spot in the brook to the other side. "It never lasts."

It's a simple answer. It's what's expected. But Alex knows that it doesn't explain what Richard means. Still, she can't bring herself to contradict him.

"We'll see," she tells him under her breath, as if she has a choice. (She knows she doesn't.)

\--

On the night that Karl disappears, Richard wakes to the sound of Alex's angry fists banging at his front door. She's furious and loud and he pulls her inside roughly, shoves her down on the couch. "Are you out of your fucking mind?" he hisses, a whisper. "You'll wake the whole compound."

"Where is he?," she asks, the words coming like punches out of her mouth, trying to hide the plea behind them. "Where!," she shouts when he doesn't offer an answer right away. Now she stands again, starts to pace, and Richard doesn't bother quieting her again, now that they're safe behind his walls.

"I don't know, Alex," he says. And it's the truth. There are still some things Ben keeps to himself.

"Don't give me that," she snarls. "You knew this would happen. You told me...," she starts.

"What I told you has nothing to do with this," Richard says, matter of fact, and that catches Alex off guard.

"I'm not exactly a virgin, you know." And she says it with such venom, words meant to hurt, full and loud and unrepentant, and Richard must admit it stings.

Richard takes a breath, nods. "I know." Truth is he's known all along. He could see it in her gait, could smell it on her, like a bad cologne. She should be lucky he didn't tell Ben himself, that he let time do that instead. Secrets are always brought to their knees with the added ingredient of time. And Alex is young, not so good at hiding, easy to make mistakes, so he knew she wouldn't have long anyway. He just wanted to let her be happy -- for a little while.

(And he still wants that. But time, in this instance, is no longer his to give.)

"Isn't that what this is all about?"

"Sure. On some level," Richard tells her. "For your father."

"He is _not_ my father," she shouts and lunges for him.

Richard catches her wrists between his fingers when she reaches out to hit him. He shushes her, wraps his arms around her, and she lets him, relaxes almost instantly in his arms, all the fight in her gone with his touch. It's not all unfamiliar. The two had ended up much like this on the night he told her the truth about Ben. He wants to remind her of the dangers of living on the island, tell her that their leader thinks he's protecting her. But Richard knows that Alex has stopped believing in the things Ben tells her, and he knows that's partially his fault.

"You know," he says, smooths her hair, kisses her forehead. "Not everything Ben says is a lie."

\--

This is before she gets a shot to the head, before she sees her mother die in front of her eyes. Richard gives a whistle, a sound only she would recognize, and Alex hangs back, waits for him to appear. He takes her by the hand and leads her behind a thick group of rocks and trees, away from the others.

"Word from Jacob," he mutters. And Alex is used to this form of communication now. Ever since the plane crash. It's all short phrases and spare details, dark looks that send chills down her spine, a hand on hers when no one is looking. A reassurance that only serves to scare the shit out of her. (And Alex doesn't scare easily.)

"Richard," she says, off his look.

"Things are about to get hard," he says quickly, dropping his gaze to the jungle floor. "When they do, come looking for me."

Alex knows that Karl's just over the hill, and that there's something very wrong about this, but she can't shake the feeling that this will be the last time she sees Richard alive. So she reaches for his neck, pulls him close enough to feel his heat, stands on tiptoe, brushes her lips against his, lightly, barely even a thing you'd call a kiss. Richard stands stock still for a moment, their breaths mingling before he lurches forward and captures her lips fully in his. His hands come to cup her face, lips parted, his tongue slipping out to brush against the inside of the roof of her mouth. Alex sighs into his kiss before she breaks contact.

"I'll look for you," she promises.

\--

It's too late.

Alex knows this as sure as she hears the click of the trigger.

And then there's a flash of light.

\--

There's no impact, no pain, no pressure at the back of her skull. It is though she blinks and the world disappears. Except she is still on her knees in front of the gate, her hands tied behind her back, tears drying a path down her cheeks.

But she is alone. It's dark now, and the world around her is quite different than when she left it.

Alex stumbles to her feet. Screams.

She's dead.

She thinks she must be dead.

\--

Somewhere under the sky, high in the hills, Richard wakes.

 _"Alex,"_ he whispers her name.


End file.
